Where Are We Now?
An ongoing series examining the effects of COVID-19 on different age groups.
It is April 2024, four years and one month since we all were told to stay home for two weeks. Personally, I spent Friday, March 13, 2020 cleaning out students’ lockers fearful of food scraps that would rot in two weeks, awaited emails that dictated how our salaries would be affected and said goodbye to colleagues waving “see you in two weeks!” Little did we know, it would be a full year without seeing students, colleagues, our office, family and friends.
So where do we start? Let’s take a look at our current pre-k, kindergarten and 1st grade classes. These current four through seven year olds were either born during the pandemic or were one year old to three years old. They were born into a world of trauma and anxiety. They were in utero when their mothers were quarantined, fearful and had less social interactions.
As they were moving through developmental stages, they were home. No in-person music classes, socialization with other toddlers or preschool. Some toddlers had never been removed from their primary caregiver. Some babies and caregivers moved out of cities to family homes with more space, but shared a room for an entire year. As children began kindergarten, it was either remote, hybrid or safe distancing in-person. This was not the norm, but this is all they knew.
As the world reopened and school was in-person five days a week, this was a shock to these now pre-k, kindergarten and 1st grade students. They had to leave their home, their safe space and only space they had known for the past three to four years. They had to leave their primary caregiver, be in a school setting for six hours and learn how to appropriately socialize. And those that went from pre-k to second grade, instead of learning math and science, they were learning how to raise their hand, ask for a break and play with others.
So where are they now? We have this cohort of children who are experiencing intense separation anxiety, fear of the unknown and rigidness. Why? Because they grew up in a world of anxiety, fear of the unknown and rigidness. As adults, we need to remember this. Sometimes all we see are our clients, children or students having big, overwhelming emotions, without skills or experience to regulate. But as adults, we sometimes think, “Why can’t they just get over it?” Well, they can’t just “get over it.” They don’t have the tools, skills or experience to just “get over it.”
Here are pivotal developmental moments these children have missed:
At a music class with caregivers and toddlers at age one, your child learned how to interact with others their age and learn other people’s facial expressions and body language.
Your child left you for the first time at age three to go to preschool. They cried and learned that you would always come back for them, that they were safe at preschool and you were safe at home.
Someone took your child’s toy at preschool and they cried. The teacher helped facilitate a conversation and your child learned how conflict is resolved, coping skills and how to regulate their emotions.
Your child is learning or relearning these experiences and skills at age six or seven. And yes, it is okay to become frustrated with this because we all missed out on life for a few years, AND as adults, we need to have grace for these children that missed the most significant developmental years.
So the next time your child is screaming because their sibling or friend took their toy, and you are thinking they are way too old for this, remember that on a developmental scale they are two to three years behind and still learning how to cope with the world!
If you or your child need more support as they navigate the world and cope with these big feelings, reach out to jillian@thebarigroup.com today!
